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jack

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Having his own hut was a blessing, it really was, especially one as fine as the one Chris and his crew had surprised him with. But Dale found that when he went home at night he spent more time sitting out on the deck than actually inside the hut. He liked watch the sky darken, listen to the birds in the trees that arched high above him and all the other sounds of the jungle. He was situated just high enough that he could see the roof the compound in the distance, too, and watch the suprising number of people who made their way up there over the course of an evening.

It was the ideal place to spend some time alone and also, he discovered, the ideal place to entertain a guest. So after he brought Jack back from the clinic and showed him around, he situated the both of them on the deck with glasses (okay, coconut shells) of homemade lemonade in their hands, to enjoy the solitude of the evening.

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Jack had gathered up the few things he'd acquired, leaving the hut for Karen to do with as she pleased. Dale's hut was just as he'd promised, and Jack had no trouble settling in.

As the sun went down, he joined Dale on the porch and smiled shyly.

"I really meant it, Dale. Thank you."

"And I meant it when I said that you're welcome here," Dale assured him.

The seats on the porch were wooden, as nearly everything constructed on the island was, but he'd put blankets over them and found them quite comfortable to spend time in. Maybe he'd even light one of the torches when the light completely faded, and make it feel truly homey, in a tiki-hut sort of way.

"I'm sorry there's only the one bed, but I promise you I sleep like a log and won't disturb you a bit."

Jack looked down into his cup and ran his hand through his hair. "Yeah, um...I think I'd better sleep out here, maybe. You might sleep like a log, but I...don't," he admitted quietly.

He'd talked to Leoben about it some, but since the time alone in the darkness of the caves, he simply didn't trust himself.

Dale looked at him solemnly for a moment, then nodded his head. "However you feel most comfortable, Jack," he said. "But I insist you take the bed, in that case. I'm just as happy out here myself; it wouldn't even be the first time."

"I've been told it might be good for me to sleep someplace with someone I can trust. I really don't know how to explain my nights...I sleep during the day a lot, usually."

"I hope that you'll find this that sort of place," said Dale, sipping his cool drink. "Just tell me what you need, and I'll do whatever I can to make it happen." And if Jack wasn't able to tell him that, Dale just hoped that he could figure it out on his own. "Are you having nightmares, Jack?"

Jack shrugged and settled back in the chair. "I always have. Well, not always. Two years of my memory was wiped away by the people I used to work for. Since then...yeah, I guess I have nightmares."

"Wiped away?" said Dale. "Now that sounds all kinds of nasty." Maybe even more of a violation than the ones Jack had suffered more recently. "Anything in particular I should do if I find you having one?"

"Wiped away," he confirmed with a nod. "I quit working there shortly after that. But since I don't know why or, you know, anything, I'd suggest you just keep a safe distance. I used to have the TARDIS lock me in my room when I stayed with the Doctor and Rose."

"Well, I'll just keep my eyes and ears open, then," said Dale solemnly. "You sound like you have an interesting past, Jack. Even without the parts that you can't remember." The lemonade was nice, but Dale really wished he had some beer. "You know, there are times when I really appreciate the name of this island. Tabula Rasa. The clean slate."

"It'd be nice if it was true. Hard to begin again without bringing the baggage along with you, though. Any of us. What about you? I know you were FBI, but what sort of things did you do?" he asked as he swatted at a bug.

"Saw more of the darkness in the world than any man ever should," said Dale after a moment. "We all come with our own baggage, but at least we aren't obligated to put it on display. At least we weren't followed by the things we left behind."

"I think some of us were," he replied softly, shifting is his chair. "I've noticed some people have a harder time leaving things behind and beginning again. It also doesn't help that everyone wants to know everything about each other."

"That's just a natural curiosity, at least, and not malicious," said Dale. "There are a lot of things that are hard to leave behind. A lot of things that I know I'll never be able to leave behind. But it's been a bit of a fresh start nonetheless."

"Like what?" he asked innocently, not giving much thought to the fact that dale might not feel like telling him.

Dale's smile was a bit bitter, as he thought about what he left behind. "I've never had the best luck when it comes to my personal life," he said after a few moments of silence punctuated only by bird calls. "And I'm afraid I'm not talking about run-of-the-mill misfortune. That's something that certainly seems to have followed me."

"Oh," Jack replied softly. Sookie's absence was something he thought about almost every time he looked at Dale...he couldn't imagine what it was like for the man himself. "Do you think you'll ever find what you want?"

"I have found what I wanted," said Dale quietly. "More than once, only to have it snatched away from me again. It's a little difficult to have faith, after that. But then, I find I'm a bit of a hopeless romantic at heart. So yes... I think I'll find what I want again one day."

"I like to think of myself as a hopeless romantic...to a point," he teased as he sat his empty cup down. "I just never really understood the whole 'one person' thing."

"Well, why would you want to tie yourself down when you could have anyone in the universe?" said Dale, giving him a smile. "I may not choose to live like that, but I can see the appeal."

"You should try it for a week," Jack smirked, then shook his head. "As the Doctor likes to point out, the time and training I come from make me perfectly suited for what most people consider completely out of the question. Flings, liasons, one-offs. It's just how I enjoy people," he said with a shrug. "You wouldn't believe how many people don't think they're beautiful."

"Unfortunately, I know all too well how many people have those sorts of thoughts about themselves," said Dale. And how often it led to the sorts of things that he investigated, in his former life. "Not so long ago I did give some thought to letting go, having a fling, actually. But then the moment passed me by."

"If it ever comes back around, you'll find me, right?" he laughed. "Not on a weekend though. I hate being a regret."

"Yes, well, instead of having a fling with you I became friends with you, so I think that moment's gone," Dale told him with a grin. "But you ever need to share a bed with someone in an almost completely platonic way, I'm your guy."

"I haven't done that in a long time, Dale. I don't even know if I could," he said as he shifted again, legs sread wide and stretched out as he slouched down. "I guess it would be easier if I could...now. Rob seems to think I have trauma or whatever, and House thinks I have issues too. Doctors," he said as he rolled his eyes.

"Would you hate me forever if I agreed with them?" said Dale, giving him a smile that was a little gentler than his previous grin. "I know you haven't told me what happened, Jack, but... well, as a member of the Council and the IBI I saw the reports. It's only fair you know that." He figured Jack had probably already known, especially after seeing what Dale had been working on in the council office, but he felt more honest having said it.

"No, I wouldn't hate you. I...I could have taken the knife, you know. I had a choice. I would have done it anyhow. He didn't have to...gods, Dale, I don't want to talk about this," he said as he looked off through the darkness at the spots of firelight and lanterns as people settled in for the night.

"I've never not enjoyed a person so much."

"Okay," said Dale, quietly and easily. If Jack did want to talk about it, he would keep going; Dale just hoped he knew that he could. "You don't have to, Jack. But as an agent of the FBI I've seen and heard a lot of things. I'm no doctor, of any sort, but... well, I've seen a lot. Actually, you know, just forget I was ever an FBI agent. Right now I'm just a friend."

Jack sighed heavily and stared straight ahead, wondering what he'd tell 'just a friend'. Where to start...

He lolled his head to the side and looked at the shape of Dale, just a little darker than the night behind him.

"I freeze if anyone tries to kiss me."

Dale nodded his head, taking every word Jack told him seriously. "I can imagine that you do," he said, warmly but with no pity in his voice or his thoughts. "Have a lot of people tried to kiss you?"

"No," he sighed. "People I trust. Should trust. Whatever. I can kiss them if I do it first, but I...it should be natural. I like kissing people. It feels like something's really wrong about it now."

He was quiet for a second and then began to laugh. If he didn't, he might just cry.

"I never thought there would be a thing in the universe I thought felt dirty."

"Well, it's not the act itself," said Dale. He didn't reach out for Jack, but he certainly wouldn't have declined the contact if Jack initiated it. "It's the issue of consent. Nothing to do with being adventurous as you are. Give it some time, Jack; I know people always say that, but they say it because it's the truth."

"Yeah. Time," he said as he held his hand out. "The last time I felt like this was when the Time Agency wiped my memory. Don't know why, don't know how. It just happened. I don't even know if I consented," he said with a sigh.

Dale reached for him this time, letting Jack take the lead in all things, as he so clearly needed to do. "Very different circumstances, but the same principle," he said. "Something happened to you that you didn't want to happen."

Jack could be hard when he needed to be, but no one had ever mistaken him for stoic. He clasped Dale's hand tightly and held on as if everything depended on it.

"But I did want it. I thought he was gorgeous. I flirted with him, and I thought he'd had a change of heart. He had...but not how I thought."

"Maybe you did," said Dale, "maybe you did want him. But you didn't want what happened. Not like that, I know you didn't, Jack, you just told me as much. That's the difference."

"Yeah," he agreed, holding on but falling quiet. The birds and the other night sounds quieting as everything settled into the darkness. "So do you have any other sagely advice so I can tell Rob I'm taken care of?" he asked, only half joking.

"Well, you could tell him you're talking to someone about it, like he wanted, so he can stop worrying," said Dale, only half-joking himself.

"I think he had someone more like Dr. Deane in mind, but this had better be good enough. I've seen her and if you think I flirt with you..." he said, leaving the rest unfinished.

"Is this all you do, Dale? Sit out here and watch the island?"

Dale gave him a smile. "No, it's not all I do," he said. "But I like it. Sometimes, after a day like today, it's a really nice place to have to come back to." Dale gave his hand a comforting squeeze. "You talk to who you need to talk to, Jack. Sometimes it's the talking that's the important thing."

Jack squeezed back and pulled a little, not standing just yet. "After all that, do you still feel like sleeping with me?"

"If you want me to," said Dale still smiling and leaving that decision in Jack's hands. "Be easier to keep an eye on you from there. Plus, in a blatant abuse of my position on the council, it's a real mattress."

"Ohgod," he sighed heavily. "Do you have any idea how long it's been since I slept with someone on a real mattress?" he asked, standing as he pulled at Dale's hand. "Show me where and I promise, no hands. Or feet. Or anything," he grinned.

"I promise too," said Dale, grinning back. "No anything, no hands, no feet. Well, except if my feet get cold, then all bets are off." He led Jack into the hut, to the perfectly made bed in the corner. "I bet we'll both get a good night's sleep, here."

Jack followed along and waited for Dale to get in before he slid in beside him. "I can handle cold feet, Dale. I can actually handle a lot more than you'd imagine," he said as he completely went back on his word and pressed close, wrapping his arm around him as he closed his eyes.

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